"I Don't Know How You Do It"

By Stephanie

“I don’t know how you do it”

As a homeschooler, I often hear this from family and friends who either think that I am a saint or am crazy. I always find this question interesting because, honestly, I don’t know how parents who have kids in school do it! But having kids in school is such a common thing that parents nowadays don’t even question the effect that school has on their day-to-day lives.

Because we homeschool, our mornings are relaxed. I do not need to worry about waking my kids up early so they have time to get ready, eat, fix lunch and catch the bus. If we happened to stay up later the night before, we can sleep in. We usually sleep in until 8am or 8:30am, and the boys have time to get moving while I check email and start getting ready. We usually have breakfast around 10am (I have tried getting the boys to eat earlier, but they are not interested at all…I think they would more then likely skip breakfast if they had to eat before school). I never schedule activities before 11am (getting out the door by 11am is hard enough – I could not imagine getting out any earlier!)

When Jason was in preschool, I was a very involved “classroom mom”. I planned activities to do with the kids, I chaperoned field trips, I helped with fundraisers selling wrapping paper and helped organize the annual kids’ consignment sale (a major annual fundraiser for the school). I realized that I was spending more time helping the school than I was spending time helping my kids. I realized that I would rather put that time into my own kids – doing so gives me much more pleasure and I enjoy it more.

I remember calling a friend of mine on a Friday afternoon – she was at Costco fighting the crowds buying drinks and snacks for her daughter’s school movie night. After that she was off to pick up a quick dinner and then get to the school early to help set up. I couldn’t help but tease her by pointing out that this was one of the reasons why we homeschool and telling her “I don’t know how you do it”.

What we do in the afternoon is completely up to us. I do not need to worry about getting my kids to do their homework, no frantic drilling for tests while I am trying to get dinner ready. We have all day to do our activities, so we do not have to squeeze everything into the “after school” hours. We run errands (like hair cut appointments and doctor appointments) during the week so that our weekends are more free to spend as a family.

I think that many people also assume that homeschooling is like getting kids to do their homework only doing it for six hours a day. No wonder they can’t imagine doing it! For one thing, even my homeschooling friends who do more structured “school” do not spend anything close to six hours. You don’t need to. Much of time spent in school is non-instructional…getting from one place to another, managing the class and trying to keep 30+ students involved and engaged to varying degrees of success. All this takes a lot of time.

The other key thing that makes homeschooling easier in my eyes is that I can move at whatever pace makes sense for my children, rather then moving at the pace that the school deems necessary.  I don’t have to make them “keep up” or explain why they can’t “go ahead” even though they are ready. I can use whatever methods work for my children (and can change as we go) rather then trying to make whatever method the school is using work. If my child is struggling with something, we can either spend more time on it or put it aside for a little while and come back. If my child gets interested in something, we can take the time and explore it. The sense of urgency…the idea that you “must learn this now” is removed, making for a much more relaxed learning environment and less stress on my part.

I love being in control of our schedule. We can take vacations when it works for us as a family. I heard about a friend who wanted to take her kids to Europe for two weeks on a family trip. The school said that they could not because the kids would miss too much school. I do not know how it worked out (she was trying to get them to give her the kids school work to take along), but I have to ask, where would these kids have learned more in those two weeks – in Europe or in school? And why did the school get a say in what should have been a family decision?

We are lucky to have a beach house in Ocean City, Maryland. We spend the entire summer there from mid-June to mid-September. We have met wonderful friends and have had incredible experiences during these summers. The school where they kids would have gone is on a year round schedule. School starts this year in the beginning in August and in one year, the end of July! This would have put a real crimp in our family’s lifestyle.

Because school is “what is expected” people do not question the time and effort it takes to have kids in school. Yet, they see homeschooling as hard and time intensive. What most people don’t realize is that giving schools that much control over their lives is a choice. One that is rarely even questioned. So when I get the “I don’t know how you do it” comment, I turn it around on them and ask how they do it. Most people have never really given much thought to how much school controls their lives.

Luckily we all do have that choice. And I have chosen to homeschool because I find homeschooling so much easier then if my kids were in school. 

Stephanie is constantly trying to find that elusive state of balance in her life while enjoying her two energetic yet vastly different boys. You can read about their ongoing exploits on her blog, Throwing Marshmallows.

Comments

[Andrea]

I've often told people that they wouldn't send any more time homeschooling than they do on homework - without the time crunch. It's like they don't quite believe me.

Good article. :)

[Tammy Takahashi]

Great post. You pretty much covered it all. I had this very conversation yesterday with my neighbor. She does SO much, then she tells me that I seem so "together". Well ya, I'm "together" cuz I'm not doing too much. Like today, for example - we had stuff to do from 9:30 to 12, then we're done, and we can do pretty much whatever we want all day. That includes lots of "have-tos", but we do those when we want to and at whatever pace we want. And right now, I'm choosing to read blogs while the kids make K'nex sculptures and obstacle courses.

[Marjorie]

Awesome post, Stephanie! I guess they think that kids just hate learning -- like you said, that its like doing 6 hours of homework a day. They cannot conceive of kids being given the time and freedom to learn what they want and that they would, in fact, learn. They learn a lot; much more than they learn in school.
Take the red pill! Wake up, kids don't hate learning, they just hate school -- the two are not the same.

[Aimee]

Great post... and I wanted to point out that the url to Throwing Marshmallows is incorrect, should be .net instead of .com :)

[Kris]

So true! I'm finding that as my kids get older, many of their friends are opting for a school of sorts - either traditional public high school or a charter type program. Suddenly, those friends and families that have been so available to us are busy doing "school stuff". It's hard for my kids, but I think it must be even harder on our friends to go from such freedom to being at the mercy of a school schedule.

[Jolene]

I use to be one of those people who didn't understand how homeschoolers/unschoolers did it. That is until I became one myself.

Now I look back and wonder "How did I do it?!" with public school. I don't think people understand just how hurried your life truly is when you live it by "the bell" five days a week and how much more relaxed it all is when you just live life period.

Thank you for writing this.

[millicent]

we are just starting our homeschooling venture this year, and i'm excited!
I find that most people comment to me on never being away from their kids. That they need a break so therefore they couldn't homeschool.
sad :(

[Sarah Perrin Bevis]

Dear Stephanie,
Thankyou for writing a response back to "For those of you still on the Fence" at the SpunkyHomeSchool blog. I wrote the Flipping pancakes response. I really loved reading your "I don't know how you do it".
I'm quickly finding that I'm not
crazy..that the fast pace of public education really is REAL, and that lots of families have suffered because of it.
Thanks again :)