How Much is Enough?

By Marjorie

How much say should a child have in his or her own education? Anything is better than nothing.

I volunteer at the local library once a week. One recent evening, I overheard a father asking a librarian about books for his first-grade son. His son was present, but was off scouring the shelves. The librarian asked several questions about the age of his son, his grade, and where he goes to school. She was noting that the school the child attends gives a clue as to what reading level would be expected at what grade -- this child's school was "excellent," so the reading level for the grade is a bit higher. So much for national standards. I couldn't help chuckling to myself over concepts such as "excellent" schools and reading "levels" based on "grade." I really wanted to judge this dad harshly for being a pushy parent.

I listened more. This dad wasn't pushy, he seemed genuinely concerned and I think he was following advice he'd probably received from 'higher up'(i.e. the school). He was trying to find books that fit within some narrowly defined prescription for his son, who was soon diagnosed by the librarian as a "reluctant reader," I'm assuming this was based on the books that the father was told to seek. Anyway, the dad either received an edict from on high or he established his own goal to get his son three books at the library. But not just any three books, they must be 'appropriate' for his son.

The father tried, the librarian tried, the son resisted. I suggested to the librarian (who I know) a few series that might be helpful -- The Magic Treehouse, The Boxcar Children -- my suggestions were rejected quietly and kindly. I don't know exactly why my suggestions were inappropriate -- too hard, too easy, too long, not enough pictures, too many pictures? I have no idea, like that dad, I'm just a parent, what do I know about appropriate reading material? No one has told me what my child should read. So I blithely fill my house with various books and watch what my children like. My eldest liked Magic Treehouse, I got Magic Treehouse. She now likes Boxcar Children, I get Boxcar Children, and more Boxcar Children, and more...(its a long series). The youngest goes for Sandra Boynton, so Boynton for her. I don't care if its 'on level', above, or below. They are reading or just looking and enjoying books. Shouldn't that be the crux of a reading program for young children?

Back to the father and son. The librarian was suggesting books which were being rejected. They seemed to focus on series books, which makes sense, I read in The Read Aloud Handbook that series books are great for young readers because they know the characters already. I don't know if they are especially good for 'reluctant readers.' A to Z Mysteries was suggested and rejected, so was poor Geronimo Stilton. The kid liked the Stinky files (something to that effect)and TinTin. I could not for the life of me figure out why he couldn't read those. I've no personal experience with TinTin, but I know there are tons of them, so you'd think they'd keep the kid busy.  If he's already read them but wants to re-read him, shouldn't he be allowed to do that? It could be that he's honing his reading skills while enjoying a book he loves.

One thing I did notice, the boy asked about the Hardy Boys -- the librarian and father rejected that. Why? Not good for reluctant readers? Too hard? Maybe the kid is a reluctant reader because he doesn't like the books he's being told to read and he's being denied the books he wants to read. I was confounded by the whole thing. If he had to get three books, why couldn't one be the Hardy Boys? I felt so bad for that kid, why was his dad forcing him to pick three books he wasn't interested in? So the fight could continue at home? I guess the hope was he'd eventually pick up a book and love it, despite his initial rejection, ala the non-Sam character from Green Eggs and Ham?

The whole episode would have sent me searching for Pink Floyd's The Wall if it hadn't made me feel like crying. The odd thing is, the kid is only slightly more trapped than the dad who seemed to be blindly following orders. I really wish I knew why they couldn't just let him read the Hardy Boys. Would he not understand it? Even if he didn't, maybe he would have learned something. Or perhaps he simply would have agreed with the others that he needed something more appropriate for a 'reluctant reader,' in which case perhaps he would have embraced the books being assigned to him.

How much say should parents have in the education of their children?

As an interesting follow-up to the dad's plight, I learned in The Washington Post that parents are being taught how to teach their kids. I found it interesting and astounding. Its like they want to be involved, but they want to be told what to do. The things the parents are learning at these sessions, I learned about when I first started reading about education generally. I cannot help but wonder why people send their children to school at all if it requires that they attend class at night just to help them with their school work. I suppose if my children were in school, I might attend such sessions, but I'm glad I'm a homeschooler so I can spend that time with my kids or my spouse instead.

I know people don't understand homeschooling, but I can't understand why they are homeschooling their kids in addition to sending them to school.

'Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free.

Marjorie has been homeschooling her two young daughters for just a few years. Her family chose homeschooling for the freedom it afforded them -- freedom from the school schedule and calendar; freedom to follow her children's interests; freedom from labeling and categorizing her children; and freedom from testing and homework. She enjoys volunteering with her state's inclusive homeschool association and writing on her blog, unclimber.

Comments

[JoVE]

This is all just baffling. My experience of librarians is soooo different. Why was this librarian not talking to the kid? Why was she not asking what he liked? She doesn't work for the school board. What interest does she have in what the school thinks is right?

And lack of confidence in their own judgement is one of the things that drives me crazy about advice for parents. Books, classes, whatever, just seem to reinforce that lack of confidence instead of helping parents see that they can understand their kids and help their kids. the library could then provide them with lots of resources.

Baffling indeed.

[Gem]

"I know people don't understand homeschooling, but I can't understand why they are homeschooling their kids in addition to sending them to school."

This is the number one reason I chose to homeschool. My best friend spends hours after school with her kids -- we spend nearly the same amount of time doing our 'schoolwork', when we even do formal schoolwork -- I figured why bother with the school part? She taught her daughter to read, the school didn't. It was a no-brainer for me!

[Serenity Now!]

I believe in 'supplementary' homeschooling. I love to help my son learn and he loves to show me what he has learned. He doesn't even realize that the practice is helping solidify what he's learned in school.

Of course I want to be involved, but of course I need to be given some direction on how to best help my son learn. It's not necessarily as intuitive for me to teach my son as it might be for you. I'm stubborn, my son is stubborn and some times we butt heads. I need some direction to help me get around the stumbling blocks we face.

For me, gathering information on how my son learns has helped me to be a better parent and helped me to become closer to him.

I'm not for or against homeschooling. I've swung back and forth for several years on what might be best for him. I've come to the conclusion that being at school while supplementing his learning with fun activities suits his personality. So far. We take everything a day/week/month/year at a time.

Like you, I share your saddness at the apparent plight of the father and son in the library. I would try not to make certain assumptions. It can be hard to determine what the real situation is when you are only overhearing the conversation.

[sam]

My oldest very often won't read any of the books I pick for him at the library, but we let him pick what he wants as well as offering books we think he'll enjoy that he may not have picked on his own. I check them out anyway, and very often I read them myself. I've discovered some great writers this way.

The only limits we put on what he reads have to do with the appropriateness of the content, never on what he "should be reading" at his age. If we worried about his age he'd never have read half the books he's read and loved. The same kid that devours two or three Dr. Seuss books at lunch may settle onto the sofa for some Tolkien later.

[Marjorie]

Thanks for the comments. Just for clarification, the librarian was asking the boy what sorts of books he liked and she was trying to offer suggestions in keeping with that. He rejected her every suggestion. She did a good job, talking to both the father and the son.

I'm not sure why it became a power play with the dad at the end. He was a little frustrated, but if he wanted three books, it seems to me he could have taken one of the librarian's suggestions and one of the child's suggestions and then another one. What surprised me was that they said 'no' to any of his choices. Maybe thats why he said no to theirs.

[elementaryhistoryteacher]

I'm not sure why any of the books you suggested were rejected, but they wouldn't be in my classroom. Students have many opportunities to read in my classroom. I choose the content during guided lessons, however, most of the time my students are reading independently. I would never tell a student they "can't" read a particular book. When a student chooses a book that is obviously too hard for them the student will realize it. I don't have to tell them. Usually I notice they put the book down and choose something else. Many of the students I teach are transitioning from picture books to chapter books. Some are reluctant to make the total switch-over. I generally make a deal with them....for every chapter book (Tree House series are great for transitioning) they read they can spend time with an favorite picture book. This usually works.

[Kris]

How unfortunate that this father is feeling like his son must live up to certain standards. If the kid was trying to choose books that appealed to him, he isn't a "reluctant reader". The adults choosing his books for him mean (I think) he's more likely an "uninterested reader". Have you considered sending this piece as an op-ed to your local paper? It might open some eyes!