"I Could Never Home School"

by Steph W.

As I write this, the "Back to School Season" is in full swing. One of our local newspapers recently printed an article on home schooling. It offered the usual polite opinions of public school professionals, suggesting that they support us home schooling parents, and realize our kids will come to the fold when we realize we can't teach calculus.  It also included a quote from a nationally known unschooling parent:

“I don’t think every child is cut out for it or every family," she said. “Homeschooling takes an enormous amount of patience and money. At least one parent is a non-income parent.”

I thought a great deal about that statement, and about the other quotes in the article. It echoed every friend who's told me  "I could never home school. I'm not "smart" enough, I can't afford it, and - most frequently - I'd never have the patience." It saddened me to see these assumptions being promoted by the media.

Certainly home schooling is not the right choice for every family. I don't believe any parenting decision is "one size fits all." And many families and children are thriving with public and private schools. However, I think there are many families of schooled children who would benefit tremendously from home education. The notion that a parent needs money and superhuman patience to home school holds some of them back, as does the fear that we are unqualified to teach some subjects. I think this does them a tremendous disservice. I hope we, in the home schooling/unschooling community, can gently change these misperceptions - one step at a time.

The concern that we are not qualified to teach calculus (or whatever) is easily laid to rest. There is a tremendous number of resources available to home schooling families: textbooks, curricula, on-line courses, and co-op classes along with good old-fashioned books. Any home educator whose mailbox is overflowing with interesting catalogues can attest to the fact that there is no shortage of options.

Another barrier to home schooling is the belief that it requires plenty of money and at least one full-time stay-at-home parent. How much does it cost to home school? You could spend hundreds of dollars each year on curricula. Or you could spend much less. (Some home schoolers swear all the need is a library card.) Even for the big spenders (of which I guiltily admit I am one - and have a terrible weakness for the Rainbow Resource catalogue), these costs are offset by savings on public school fees, school clothes, supplies, and other things.

What about the opportunity cost of giving up one parent's full-time income? This is a significant sacrifice for many families. However, it is not an either-or situation. Most of the home schooling moms I know whose husbands are primary breadwinners do work for pay. It may be part-time. Many (including myself) use the internet to work from home. Others work outside the home, working around their spouses' schedules. I know home schooling families who manage two full-time jobs and make it work. I also know working single parents who successfully home school. It sometimes requires creativity, ingenuity and a great deal of flexibility to make it work. But so does managing careers while conforming to school schedules. I've never known a parent whose role didn't require flexibility and presdigitation to get it all done.

What about the "enormous amount of patience" required to homeschool? This belief seems to run rampant. When people find out I home school, they often imagine this requires some mysterious, God-given gift of patience that is somehow denied to the majority of parents. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am patient and loving at times, irritable and frazzled at others, and - at choice moments - downright mean and nasty. My patience ebbs and flows like anyone else's. We have good days and bad. But I love our educational freedom and being with my kids full-time.

When I hear people marvel at the patience it requires to home school, I look back on our public school years. I spent mornings forcing the two older kids out the door by 8:00, rushing to catch the bus. I worried about whether Sarah's curriculum was meeting her needs, while having little control over it. I pestered teachers, endured IEP meetings, and weathered afterschool meltdowns when my girl got home from difficult 7 hour school days. I forced my daughter to do several hours worth of homework, usually busywork about which I didn't care a bit, because I "knew" it was my responsibility to ensure it got done. If anything, the patience and tenacity I need has been infinitely decreased.

I know one mom, who is new to home schooling, who openly admitted that she was flabbergasted when someone suggested she home school. "I can't stand being around my kids this much as it is." I laughed. I "got" what she was saying. I remembered the after school meltdowns and the hours of forced homework. I confess there was a time when I suspected more time together was not what we needed.

Of course my friend discovered what I did. Once their family was removed from a school situation that was a bad "fit" for them, the stress decreased.  The inevitable struggles and moments when parents and kids have difficulty being together diminished. And the moments of joy in being together  - laughing, learning, struggling, and experiencing life as a family - multipled.

Let's face it ... any way you slice it, parenting is WORK. Whether your kids learn through public school, private school, home schooling, or unschooling ... parenting is work. It's responsibility. It often requires more tenacity and patience than any of us believe we have. I fail on a daily basis - pick myself up, try to laugh, and keep going. I love being with my kids full-time, and helping them learn on their own terms. That's all the motivation we need.

Stephanie W. lives with her family in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. She has been learning at home full time with her three wonderfully creative, feisty and quirky children since 2003. Her other interests include literature, writing, editing, and the internet.

Comments

[Eleanor]

This is all very true. Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Diane Tellez]

I agree with everything said. To add to it. When I finally gave myself time to sit and watch cartoons with my boys the older one said "You decided to spend "quality time" with us Mom?" :)

[SingForHim @ Real Life]

Great job tackling the typical biases against homeschooling!

[Laura Smith]

I really appreciated your post, and wondered if I could ask your advice (or anyone reading the comments) for a single mom who so longs to be an unschooler/homeschooler, but has to work to support the two of us (4.5 year old daughter & myself). I had my own business for a while, web design from home, but the income was so erratic that I gave up and went to work full time. My daughter is now in preschool/daycare 40 hrs a week, and we are looking into local kindergartens. And underneath it all, I am grieving the loss of the way I want to approach my daughter's education. I would love if you could point me in the direction of any resources/ideas for one-parent families and homeschooling.

TIA!

[silvermine]

Just think about this -- if the parents aren't "qualified to teach calculus" what does that say for the public school they went to?

(And, thanks, I can teach calculus fine. Don't worry about me. :D)