You Can't Teach A Four-Year-Old That!

by Laureen

"You can't teach a four-year-old that!"

It's a phrase I'm hearing more and more lately. And every time I hear it, just like a little bell ringing a la "It's A Wonderful Life", I know that unschooling is doing wonderful things.

I have always had a thing for Hokusai. The first time I saw "The Great Wave off Kanagawa", I stood in front of the print and stared for hours, feeling myself rowing for all I was worth in the trough. Amazingly powerful to me. So our surroundings have always had noren, pillows, prints, tiles, with various Hokusai art on them. Rowan knows Hokusai. So when I was researching style and artwork for our new boat home, Rowan was sitting on my lap at the computer while I paged through things. And we had a delightful discussion about Edo Period art. We looked at the other Great Waves, and now Rowan knows the difference between Hokusai and Hiroshige, and understands that although they both did 36 Views of Mt. Fuji, they're in very different styles, for very different reasons.

After that, we found a neat basic Japanese podcast, and  learned some basic Japanese words about eating. Since Rowan's a huge sushi fan, this all circled neatly back around on itself, and attached the words he learned to the food he liked to the giant Great Wave print in the bathroom.

But of course, four-year-olds don't care about early modern Japan, right?

The truth is, I have no idea what a four-year-old "should" be learning. I imagine it's nothing at all like what Rowan's learning, judging from the shocked and scandalized looks I get sometimes. But then again, there are also the knowing looks when it's discovered that my kids can't write their names, and they're completely clueless when handed a worksheet to complete. Rowan still won't put his clothes on for the day without help. Neither of my kids understands why you'd have to stand in line, raise your hand before you talk, or wait to use the bathroom. They see these things on TV, and I am greeted with the same befuddled looks from my kids that I get from adults who overhear Rowan talking about the things we discuss.

Apparently unschooling has set me up as an equal-opportunity confuser.

I think that the road to hell is paved with developmentally appropriate expectations. I think that by adhering to lists of what they ought to know, or should know, or must know, we cut ourselves and our children off from the wholeness of an amazing, fascinating, kaleidoscopic world.

You can't teach a four-year-old that. But they can learn it. And that's what matters.

Laureen is a writer, a professional editor, a scuba instructor, a beginning sailor, a traveler, and an obsessive researcher who's chiefly focused on, and delighted with, her husband Jason and her sons Rowan and Kestrel. She's a lifelong Californian, which lends a very distinctive spin to both her ideas and her politics, and she's discovered, in her peregrinations, that the world is far smaller yet far more fascinating than anyone gives it credit for being. She holds forth her opinions on that in her blog, The Elemental Mom

Comments

[Lori]

When adults decide ahead of time what children can and can't learn, they automatically set limitations. I've been told so many times "preschoolers can't learn that!" and "it's too complex!", "they don't have the attention span!", etc. When there are no limitations, the children show us what they can do.

[Summer]

It's amazing what kids can and do learn when we don't impose a box on them. He has his entire life to learn how to fill in a worksheet. But how many adults can say they've had the lessons he has had?

[Debbie]

I find it quite interesting what our society says is appropriate to learn and when. I recently overheard a child at the playground tell my child, "You can't swing like that!" My child quickly and with full conviction clearly stated, "I can ride sideways and rightways!" When we allow our lives to be lived outside the box, we discover OUR 'rightways (or sideways!)'

[Matthew K. Tabor]

Whenever I encounter the "you can't teach a _____ that!" mentality, I usually just ignore it until after I've finished. Then I say something like, "Too late, already did."

[Carmen]

I loved this...my four year old is very small "for her age" and whenever we go to a park is always being followed around by an older child, who, well-meaningly, is looking our for the "baby". She has freaked out quite a few with her ability to scale the monkey bars and/or converse with ease about topics not usually of interest to a four-year old. It is always great to see people stop and rethink their expectations.

Great post!!

[FR]

It's a language-mindset thing too:
"can't" as in "not able to" vs. "can't" as in "not supposed to".
If you consider that, at least half of the "can't"s in the world go away ;-)

[Poppins]

Yep. Marvelous adventure in equal-opportunity confusion. I like it!

Do you have a link for the Japanese podcast? We're currently in the middle of a little Japanese obsession.

[loonyhiker]

When someone says "You can't..." I believe they are encouraging that self fulfilling prophesy. Maybe that is why so many kids think they can't do things by the time they get into high school. This was a great article and I want to do more research on it myself!

[Crimson Wife]

Just about any academic topic can be introduced to a child in a developmentally-appropriate way. As a society, we have a terrible tendency to underestimate young children's capabilities. Now that doesn't mean following the Glenn Doman flashcard drill system but certainly kids are smarter than we often give them credit for!

[S.S.]

Four year olds and even infants can learn anything! My four year old reads and writes and does math and all sorts of things a lot of six-eight year olds can't do. The only thing I have done was to give him a very nurturing environment and a lot of attention when he needed to "know" something. We will not unschool but our homeschool is NOT going to be about worksheets and workbooks for everything and what everyone else thinks a kid my age should be learning!