The Free Lunch

by Celeste

As I write this, November is just around the corner, reminding me of one of the most memorable Thanksgiving meals I ever shared in my life.

One grey November morning, 11 years ago, the kids and I visited some friends for a playdate.  My friend asked me if we would like to join them for lunch at the elementary school.  “They’re having a ‘Thanksgiving dinner’ lunch, and family members are invited to join the kindergarteners for this special meal,” my friend explained. 

So the next thing we knew, there we were, standing outside in the cold in a long line of parents and younger siblings, waiting to step inside the school for Thanksgiving dinner. I was a little apprehensive about this for several reasons.  I wasn’t a “family member”---if asked, I was supposed to say that we were cousins.  As a newbie homeschooler, I felt like a spy infiltrating enemy territory.  Would they arrest me for lying about our circumstances and trespassing on their party?

Well, as you may have guessed, we were not arrested.  My kids’ normally distinctive red hair turned out to be an amazing disguise that morning.  Everyone just assumed that we were closely related to our friends (who coincidentally also had red hair), and nobody asked us any questions at all.  So after standing in line for about 10 minutes, we entered the school without incident, and proceeded with our espionage activities---I mean, lunch.

This was my first visit to an elementary school in many years, and I saw several things that surprised me. All the adults had to sign in before being admitted into the building.  Instead of being allowed into the kindergarten classroom, we stood in line in the hall for another 10 minutes waiting for the children, before being admitted into the cafeteria.  “Lunch” turned out to be extremely early in the day---before 11:00 a.m., if I remember correctly.   Instead of using money to pay for lunch, each child scanned a plastic meal ticket card at the cash register. 

“Thanksgiving dinner” itself turned out to be disappointingly familiar:  turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, and chocolate pudding, all served in that inimitable, overcooked, straight-from-the can, school cafeteria style.  The meal presentation was a little different from my school days.  Silverware, plates, glasses, and trays were all discardable—no more cafeteria dishes to wash or put away.  No more cardboard milk cartons either—milk now came in a plastic bag with an insertable straw. 

But the biggest surprise was how quickly mealtime was over.  About 10 minutes after we sat down, it was time to throw everything away in the giant trashcan and leave the cafeteria!  I’m a pretty speedy eater, but I barely had enough time to eat my dinner in the allotted time. 

My five-year-old dutifully finished the main course and did justice to the vegetables, but never got to touch the chocolate pudding before it was whisked away.  At least she got enough to eat.  The little girl sitting next to me only swallowed a couple bites before her meal was swept into the trash.  This child appeared to be a slow eater who needed lots of time to feel comfortable with the cafeteria setting.  The teacher’s aide cheerfully remarked, “Oh yes, she does this every day”.  I felt really sorry for the girl, and wondered if her mother knew that she wasn’t eating her lunches.

As soon as the trash was collected, we were thanked for coming and politely but firmly shown to the door.  Somehow I had expected more---a classroom tour, a Thanksgiving pageant, at least a short welcoming speech. But no, lunchtime was over, and it was time for the parents to leave. 

I left, shaken by what I had seen and experienced.  I had not expected to have such an impersonal, institutionalized experience as the guest at a school party.  I had not expected to be rushed through the meal and pushed out the door so quickly.  The teachers and staff clearly saw this event as a “treat” and a favor to the parents.  But that was not the way it came across to me. 

This year, we will celebrate our eleventh Thanksgiving as a homeschooling family.  I’m thankful for the freedom to eat our meals together as a family, enjoying the food and the company at our own pace.  I’m thankful for the freedom to watch my children learn and grow.  I’m thankful that I can talk with the adults in their lives whenever I choose.  I’m very thankful for homeschooling, an experience which has blessed our family in so many ways. 

I wouldn’t trade these freedoms for all the school lunches in the world. 

Celeste  has been unschooling her kids for well over a decade. She does homeschooling advocacy work for her state homeschooling organization and spends way too much time on the computer. In her spare time, she does tae kwon do, plays the piano, and plays a glamorous, powerful, purple lady bunny in an online virtual reality game.

Comments

[Summer]

That sounds about like the "Thanksgiving lunches" the schools around here serve. It almost makes me feel as if they are saying your children are not your children anymore so be thankful for the few minutes you do get.

[andrea]

when we started homeshooling, my kid gained alot of weight because she had not been eating while in school... all the money I sent for those previous years had been wasted and she was not nourished enough to focus.

[Cristina]

That reminds me of my own school days. My mother once asked me what I had for lunch and I said, "A piece of bread." I didn't like anything they served for the hot lunch. She started bagging my lunch.