Do Homeschoolers Have it Right?

by Bettina Colonna Essert

Too often I am confronted with people who act as if my choice to homeschool somehow belittles their choice to send their children to school outside the home. I must confess that it is comforting to me to be able to tell them that I'm not married to the idea of homeschooling and that I don't press my children into homeschooling--at a certain age, the choice is up to them and they haven't all chosen it. My eldest child graduated from prep school, the next one from homeschool, the next one in line--my step-daughter--is not in the least interested in being homeschooled, the two youngest will both probably be homeschool graduates. I'm all for freedom of choice and finding the educational model that fits each child best.

Maybe that's the  very thing that seems threatening? Somewhere in the back of our collective family brain is the voice of Mel Gibson/William Wallace screaming, "Freeeeedoooommmm!" but that doesn't seem to be the case in the families of the people who are so ready to attack me in their own defense. Perhaps they know there is something wrong with the 'one approach for all learning styles' way of educating. Could be they've realized that the set-up of a typical school does some damage to their children (mostly in the form of meanness from peers). Maybe my demeanor just sets people off. Who knows? One thing for sure: I'm not the only homeschool parent who has felt this sort of reverse judgment and found it mystifying. A friend once noted that homeschooling is kind of like having tattoos: Folks who have tattoos don't generally look at people with uninked skin and think, "Now why don't they have any tattoos?"

I believe that the freedom to educate our children in the way we see fit is at the core of nearly every decision to homeschool. There are so many 'kinds' of homeschoolers and though our decision making processes vary, I feel confident that most have that one idea in the mix somewhere. I have often laughingly tried to categorize homeschoolers into several neat little boxes labeled with names like: Unschoolers --the ones wearing tie-dye and acting like they've never been in public before; Prep-School-At-Home --look for the chinos and polos; hippies --kind of like unschoolers but with a paranoid look about them, the tie-dyes are in much darker colors and they are munching sprouts; Fundamentalist Christians--the boys all look like they just stepped out of GQ and the girls have unshorn hair and stained denim jumpers; My Kid Got Beat Up At Schoolers--the mom's are all very nervous and overprotective and the kids are either whiny or completely obnoxious. Please don't be offended if you see yourself in there. I will admit that we are a mix of several of those categories (khakis with dark tie-dyes and the overprotective mommy syndrome. Sprouts on the side, please.) Do you know what I hear their collective family brains screaming? "Freeeeeedoooommmm!" Each family decided to school their children in the way they believe is best.

Do those people who send their children off on the Big Yellow Bus feel like they need to protect the status quo of the majority (who do, indeed, send their kids to PS) by acting as if by our simple act of homeschooling we were declaring of war on society? Do they feel like we love our kids more because we can spend all day with them without braining them? I'm really never certain what to say when someone finds out that we homeschool and then sets off on a defensive rant about their choice to public/private school their children. These are choices that every parent has to face. Is there something in the PBJ stained faces of homeschooled kids at noon in a grocery line that touches a nerve? Maybe it does. Maybe it's envy. Maybe it's a desire to wipe the jelly off. I remember when all of my kids were in school, I was single and working full-time and I saw those PBJ-faced kids...I thought, "I wish that was us." I suspected that homeschoolers had it right and I wanted to be one of them.

Do homeschoolers have it right? For my family, the answer is yes, we do have it right but for a lot of people the answer is that public or private school is the right choice for their families. There is room for all of us and our personal choices and I'm glad to live in a place where that is so.    

Bettina Colonna Essert is a native of the Virginia/North Carolina borderland. She currently lives on a 'farmette' in rural NE NC with her husband, 2 home schooled children and a menagerie of farm animals. Bettina is an Equine Sports Massage Therapist and also handcrafts a line of fine, organic bath products, Alchemy Redefined.

Comments

[Angela, MotherCrone]

I've encountered this for years, and I have been told that homeschooling is counter-community. But I think homeschooling is just an outward sign of a bigger issue here. I have lost friends because they felt my willingness to choose the best path for my child, despite any sacrifices it cost us was a constant reminder of their own selfishness. I gladly set aside things like my career or a second income and all it brings in cars, vacations, and extras. Many aren't so willing to do the same, even if their children are struggling and are miserable. One former friend outright told me that everytime she was around us, she could imagine a better way for her kids, so it was better to just not be around us. Others aren't as in touch with their own truth, so they instead try to turn our truth around on us. It's rather sad, because I am the first to admit this lifestyle is not for everyone.

[JoVE]

I think Angela hits the nail on the head. A lot of people would rather believe that they didn't have a choice. Then they don't have to face the fact that they could have chosen something different that might work better for their kids. Which is related to your point that maybe they know that PS is harming their kids (I disagree that the harm is mostly from peers, I think the system itself does intellectual harm to a lot of people). If they think they have no options, then they don't have to make any difficult decisions.

That means that the defensive rant isn't about anything that we've done. It is a projection of their own self-criticism.

[Clean Simple]

That smacks of the guilt breastfeeding moms are accused of inspiring in formula feeding moms--that one person's choice means another one's is somehow wrong. Frankly, I think the guilt comes from insecurity about whether one made the right choice.

We're a public school family who had intended to homeschool. We were all set to...then decided to see if our daughter could get into the one school in the district that was close to our learning philosophy. What do you know, she got in and loved it. Every once in a while, I wonder if we made the right choice. But my child's happiness and learning trump my personal angst any day.

Great post!