The Life Without School Community Blog

Schedules and Lists and Things

by Diane, guest author

Funny things happen when you begin to take away the structure from a previously-over-structured kid. I don't think I would have ever been able to grasp just how programmed my child is/was - that is, until we began homeschooling. It also hadn't occurred to me that Cole has been picking up my organizational habits and methods his entire life, and more pertinently, since he's been home with me, working, almost every day.

When we made the decision to pull Cole out of school, I knew I wanted to pursue a classical ("trivium") method of homeschooling combined with an unschooling environment. I spoke to experienced homeschooling parents and hung out with their families. I liked what I saw - open, loving, intelligent and engaged families. Four months later, this is still my ultimate goal.

Though I know it will realistically take years to achieve, I hope to provide a true unschooling environment for Cole with rich and diverse resources, activities, and groups available to him. I know in my heart this is the key to his success and joy in learning. There have been glimpses of it from the beginning. So, I'm starting to relax into our new life, and this new calm gave me the courage to begin loosening the reigns in Cole's daily schedule and giving him the opportunity to naturally discover learning situations throughout the day or an opportunity to create them to his liking as the ever-nagging boredom monkey on his back dictates.

I wasn't quite sure what our days would bring, but I knew Cole would be excited by the freedom, and I was excited by the new lesson in self-direction and responsibility Cole would find in occupying his time productively. For six long years, someone else has always told him what to do and when to do it without bothering with the why to do it, necessarily. This was going to be a tremendous change. When I told Cole of my idea, he was, as expected, very happy and proud to be trusted with this almost incomprehensible freedom. What would happen the following day, I could never have guessed.

.....

The next day found me up early working at the computer as usual. Cole lumbered out of bed, mumbled a good morning, and plopped himself down on the couch. I replied and kept working away. I was in the dining room, and I could see the top of Cole's head just above the couch in the living room. He was so quiet and hadn't moved; I assumed he fell back asleep as often happens during the week. So, I kept working.

Pretty soon, I was startled by Cole jumping up abruptly to make his way over to me. He was carrying a spiral notebook and pen, and I realized about half way through Cole's trip from the living room to me that he was describing the schedule he had just worked up for himself for the week!

SCHEDULE! Schedule?!

Really? Hadn't I JUST abolished this idea of restrictive and prescribed learning? I thought I'd liberated us both from constraints and deadlines, but alas, after covering the 20 short feet from the living room to the dining room, the kiddo had reinstated...The Schedule. LOL.

At least it was a schedule to HIS liking, and being the overly-organized person I am, I smiled proudly at the little man for his wisdom in planning out his day. It may have been scheduled learning, but it was still his day filled with his choices. And, how smart to plan to have all of your studies done just in time for your friends to be home from school? I believe Cole was so excited by his new control; he expressed his joy in meticulously rendering this detailed agenda in which Monday included reading, language arts, math, and art; Tuesday was much the same with a little computer work and time outside with the dogs; and so it went.

What did I learn here? There is a difference between being programmed to do something a certain way every day verses scheduling a list of chosen activities.

Cole asked what his daily "Special" was going to be every day for three weeks after we pulled him out of school. A Special is an activity outside of normal classwork such as Library, gym, computer, art, and music. It's taken Cole about four months to realize that if he wants to make a poster or work on a drawing rather than doing his math at any given time, he can. If he wants to go hang out in his den and dig on some music while playing with his Army men, that's great. Cole is allowed to go outside to play with the dogs at any point in the day. He knows when he's antsy and needing to burn some energy.

 In fact, as long as Cole completes a certain amount of reading, writing, and math each week, he can do as he pleases most of the day. We are all learning that Cole knows more of what he needs than anyone (including US). That's not to say he doesn't need some direction; he is only 11, but my point is that given a learning environment rich in resources, he will take advantage of it - and not just the art and music and time with the dog - though all of those are wonderful learning experiences. Two weeks ago, Cole asked if instead of looking up spelling words in the dictionary if I would consider making a crossword for each list. !!! Brilliant! Cole still learns the definition of the words and gets to work a puzzle in figuring it out. He never complains about this weekly task as he has ultimate buy-in; it was his idea!

So, what did we learn from this experience? In the most basic terms, I learned that even unschooling can exist within a scheduled environment (and I like it that way too! ha ha ha - no surprise there.), and Cole has found there are days when there's nothing you can do but set aside the worksheets and the pencils and the schedule to simply hang with the dogs, listen to some tunes, and think. Cole and I are finding our brains work so much more effectively and creatively if we allow our tasks to mirror our moods and to stop worrying so much about checking off the list; rather, we use the list as a map in the event we feel lost.

We are truly independent adventurers in our own journey in learning!

 

Diane is an writer, an artist, and a work-from-home, small business owning and homeschooling mother to her 11 year old son, Cole. After five agonizing years of watching her son struggle within the public and private school systems in their area, Diane overcame her fears and began homeschooling in the Fall of 2008.  With the support of her family, friends, and network of homeschooling buddies, Diane hopes to provide a more natural, respectful, and FUN learning environment for Cole.  Her current challenge is the transition in unschooling the institutionalized learner - "trying to get the school out!"    Diane's blog: Rants and Raves of a Homeschool Mom

Learning to Love Reading

by Marian, Guest Author

A child only pours herself into a little funnel or into a little box when she's afraid of the world when she's been defeated. But when a child is doing something she's passionately interested in, she grows like a tree in all directions. This is how children learn, how children grow. They send down a taproot like a tree in dry soil. The tree may be stunted, but it sends out these roots, and suddenly one of these little taproots goes down and strikes a source of water. And the whole tree grows. ~ John Holt

My son is what I call a 'square-peg child'. He has a condition called Sensory Processing Disorder that makes him uniquely sensitive to outside stimulus such as noise, light and quick transitions. You can imagine that school was a nightmare.

I came to homeschooling through my experience with my son. I realized that he was an unusual child quite early on and started reading about homeschooling then, but always thought it was a pie-in-the-sky notion of mine. When I realized just how damaging school was to my son's fragile ego, it happily had to become a reality.

One of the most troubling things to come out of the school experience was the fact that my son, the son of two avid readers, hated books. He hated not only books but anything to do with reading.

Well, no wonder. The readers that were sent home from school were published in England. They were incredibly dull books with no meat to them. And then, there was the whole concept of 'levelled readers'. While the teacher never made mention of levels, the children, of course, knew exactly what they meant and knew who was reading at which level and were not shy about comparing their successes with their peers.

What was more disturbing was that the second a child succeeded in reading a level with only a few mistakes, they were given a harder book. There was never any ease or comfort in reading. It was always a hard, boring chore. Children were not allowed to linger in a level to acheive fluency, to enjoy the reading, they were always being forced to struggle through to the next stage to try to keep up with provincial requirements.  My son was giving a D in reading on his first grade one report card. Imagine giving a small child a D.......how is anyone supposed to pick themselves up from a blow like that?

Once we started homeschooling, I quickly realized that unschooling was where we needed to be. I completely back away from the whole concept of teaching my son to read. I stopped asking him to read to me. I continued to surround both of my children with good books and created a comfy space for reading. I read to them frequently. Occassionaly, I'd find my son poring over book and muttering to himself. He mentioned casually, that he could read some of the Dr. Seuss easy readers, but had no desire to read them to me. Suddenly, he started reading signs and posters on the streets.

Then one morning he read a two page comic to me. He proudly announced that he had learned to read in secret.

Self-directed, reading for enjoyment.....all that reading of John Holt suddenly rang so true for me.

Marian is an ex-teacher, software trainer to "special needs" children and a home-schooling mom to two fabulous children.

 

Product and Process

by Cindy

Usually when a title with product and process is involved, there is a “versus” in the middle. Product OR process is what the versus implies. I don’t think that’s how people work, and I know it’s not how I work. There is a product AND a process. There is always a product involved . . . it answers the WHY in what we are doing. Process answers the HOW.

People come to me for support, and inevitably, answers, on my Homeschooling Creatively list. I often steer them toward the process, but I feel that is shortsighted and incomplete on my part, and I want to give voice to my complete experience in order to better support others seeking the same.

I take you back to the beginning of my homeschooling journey. When people ask you why you started homeschooling, that why often answers your first “product” you were interested in pursuing on behalf of your children. I was no different. My oldest son loved to learn, and I wanted that love to continue throughout his learning journey. Fast on the heels of this proclamation came two more “products” I formulated based on my own experience and that of my hubby. Mine was that I wanted each of my children to enjoy reading. I wrote a blog post delineating this idea here. My hubby’s was that we wanted our children to be exactly who they are, supported to pursue anything they desired without society’s conditioned beliefs or expectations, whether emanating through us or society. These were some pretty hefty “products”!

Initially, these were weakly formulated subconscious ideas. Parenting my children before the age of 5 included incorporating a learning environment that was geared toward meeting these criteria. Although poor college students, our home was rich in books. We had already instituted a non-gender-based learning environment in which we enjoyed playing basketball with him in the basement as much as dress up with Mommy’s shoes and hats.

When it came time to register Eric for kindergarten, going through the motions seemed to disconnect us with our goals for our children. It felt robotic and impersonal. Suddenly, the experiences that Eric went through in his half year of preschool previous to registration crystalized. You can read the post I created about these lessons here.

I was at a defining moment in consciously recognizing the “products” I had in mind for my children’s learning lives. I knew public school would not support them. I had to find a resource that would help me consciously and mindfully embrace a lifestyle based on my desired products. I was looking for the process! This is what other parents are looking for from me when they seek out my right-brained learner group or my autism group. Although this next step of establishing the process was so crucial, in my opinion, at getting me where I am today, I cannot neglect to recognize the “products” as my catalyst and driving force.

Homeschooling popped into my head. Ah, this would provide the open forum in which to create the process in meeting our products. I found a woman in our church who was homeschooling and very warm and engaging about sharing her wisdom in helping me get started down the path of home education. In my opinion, she was the perfect mentor, and I didn’t even know it, although felt extremely validated in the moment. I always inwardly strive to meet the standard she created with my role as a mentor, but so often fall short because of my strong opinions.

Anyway, she said I first had to figure out what my style would be. Huh? Styles? She offered a book that shared blurbs about the various methods used by others in the homeschooling circles. She felt confident that I would know the style for me when I saw it. Sure enough, it was the style called unschooling. It closely matched what we had created before age 5. Coincidentally, this mentor was an unschooler. Now, here comes the important element in creating my process that I try to emulate for others.

Unschooling 15 years ago was rare. Certainly we did not have the ability to pool together because the Internet was non-existent at that time. Homeschoolers had to gather in real life. There were usually one or two unschoolers to be found, if they chose to reveal themselves. Growing Without Schooling (GWS) and Home Education Magazine (HEM) were our support systems. The writings of John Holt were our inspiration. My mentor gave me scads of back issues to both as well as a pile of books on the subject matter. I particularly pored over the letters in GWS and read John Holt’s works as models in forming my own unschooling environment. In those days, there was no one telling us the “do’s and don’ts” of unschooling. I don’t think there was such a thing.

My mentor supported this premise. As I hesitantly got my feet wet, I was constantly calling her, sharing my worries and my concerns about messing up my child or doing things “wrong”. She would ask me to tell her what I was up to that day or week with my child. I would relay what we were doing and she would always say, “Wow, you are doing so great! Just keep going.” She was also there to talk about “going against the grain of society” in order to buoy me up in my new process of working toward achieving my products.

John Holt’s writings and observations gave me inspiration to conduct my own observations with my own children. His questioning society’s conditioned beliefs about learning gave me confidence to pursue my own questions about the process of learning. Because I lived the conditioned experience, as did my hubby in a different way, he and I would have many conversations dissecting what was really important and what was not in our own learning experiences. All of these opportunities for discovery and new ideas meshed beautifully with our original “products” or goals for our children of instilling a love for learning, being an individual valued for one’s own path, and coming to reading joyfully.

None of these resources that were available to me at the time “told me what to do”. Each gave me a foundation of beliefs. John Holt taught me about the power of observation and the courage to question society’s valued learning beliefs. GWS taught me that as parents applied these processes of becoming an observation detective and as we question any of our concerns or worries that stem from conditioned educational values, amazing and profound information through experiences emanate from each child’s own perspective and style. And my mentor taught me that I had the power within myself and through learning at the feet of each of my children to discover our own process.

I have found myself often deflecting parents who come to me asking if something is “right” or “does this fit”? It’s because the process is so unique to the individual and family involved. It’s because no two children are alike, even when they share the same learning style or difficulty. I try to share like those parents from GWS did with me . . . how my power of observation and resisting conditioned thinking revealed the amazing process of each child I am partnering with. I want to support the foundations to the process, and encourage parents as they discover their own place with their own child. I want to share my own observations and experiences as an example of what can be learned using these foundations. I want to give courage through these examples that it really works.

One thing I may change is to share that I have products that I was striving for, and the examples from our process is toward meeting that end. If a person has another product in mind, our process may not make sense. Also, I’m thankful I had the latitude in figuring out our own process. It’s not a checklist that can be checked off. It’s about trying something and realizing it’s not working out, and going back to why (the product) we’re doing what we’re doing, and readjusting ourselves back to the correct how (the process) to get us there. The pendulum will swing back and forth for a while, until we find the right place for us and our children. This is what my Collaborative Learning Process was trying to reveal: the foundational process that is helping us reach our goals for our children’s learning lives.

It’s much tougher to explain and talk about our process than it would be to simply give some formula for a product.  As I mentioned in a post here, I can share my foundation, but each person has to build upon it for their own child and family. But, I think the process is so important, even if it seems elusive sometimes to put to words.

Cindy has a passion for learning about and celebrating the diverse learning styles within her home, and moderates two yahoo group lists to support other families with similar children. You can find her at aut-home-fam, which supports families homeschooling their children with autism, or at homeschoolingcreatively, which supports families homeschooling children with a right-brained, visual-spatial, creative learning style. To peek in on her day to day lifestyle, you can check out her blog, Apple Stars.

An Interview

by Jena

Questions, questions, questions...they help us get to the point, don't they? Here's what My friend at Stone Age Techie recently asked me:

1) Have your children always been home schooled? How did you develop your unschooling philosophy?

Yes, we've always home schooled. The only exceptions have been when Peter went to a private school in 9th grade that only met on Mondays and Wednesdays. Missa is doing public school for the first time now in 9th grade. Meg, a high school junior, is pursing her own version of an arts high school at home.

How did I develop my unschooling philosophy? I went to college to be a teacher and I never once thought I'd be a home schooler. Home schoolers were some weird off-breed of humanity who were outside my world. But when my first child was a baby, we attended a church that had a homeschooling family and they seemed pretty normal (this was around 1990). So I was intrigued. I went to her house to see what homeschooling looked like. They had desks in the kitchen and school work taped to the walls. Interesting! That got me thinking. So I went to the library and got some education books. I thought back to my schooling and it dawned on me: the purpose of education is to make "good citizens." That's not a bad thing, but I translated that to mean "good followers." I'd rather my child be a leader, a free-thinker and even a reformer. I didn't want him sucked into a system determined to maintain the status quo. That was the first serious push in the direction of homeschooling.

A few months later I attended a homeschooling conference (he was not even 2 years old yet) and realized this homeschooling thing really was a possibility. To think I could create my own version of school at home with my favorite students! That's heaven, in my opinion.

So now, how was I going to "do school?" It's true that humans are born learners and parents are their first teachers, so I just slid into this unschooling philosophy. My kids loved learning, and so did I. Why did we have to ruin it all with schedules and someone else's curriculum plans? I decided early on that my goal in raising children would be to "maintain the joy of childhood and the joy of learning." If my kids were interested in something, I'd help them get the resources they needed to pursue that interest, and it just kept going year after year.

There were times I'd pull in the reigns more, question this philosophy and buy a canned curriculum. But it never lasted. It would be fine for awhile, but after it drained the fun out of life, we'd abandon it. I didn't think any curriculum was worth keeping if it taught my kids to hate learning.

I liked to look at check lists (I had the Core Knowledge Sequence and other books by E.D. Hirsch). I used those once in awhile to give me ideas of what we could be learning about, what books or videos I could check out, what field trips we could take, etc. But if my kids weren't interested, that was OK. There's always something else around the bend.

2) What was it like in the early days, before homeschooling was even on the radar for much of the country? Did you home school before Google, while the only Internet available was really, really limited? If so, what was that like?

This question is my favorite. It never occurred to me that home schooling before Google would be of interest, but as I think about it, I understand. Getting information is so much easier now than it was ten years ago. Maybe that's why I felt so isolated in my schooling style. But here's the answer: my kids read constantly, especially Peter, and they played dress-up and created worlds of their own. We bought and borrowed books, watched PBS, went interesting places, and just did what seemed fun. That's about it.

3) (Here are my own insecurities coming out) How did your children learn "academics," especially writing and mathematics? I favor the unschooling philosophy, but I still feel reluctant to do math and writing this way. If you did unschool even these subjects, could you provide some examples of what worked for different learning styles? I'm assuming 3 kids, 3 learning styles...

Math is a natural in the world of games. Anything that requires keeping score is addition and subtraction practice. Battleship teaches x and y coordinates. Yahtzee gives multiplication practice. Denise Gaskins produced a few little booklets that I bought at a homeschooling meeting. One is Gotcha! Strategy Games for Math and Logic. They are basically ancient paper and pencil games that make you think. Family Math and others were also fun resources to try out once in awhile.

I did have them memorize the multiplication tables, complete with rewards for progress. But I'm not too good at forcing things on my kids, so it wasn't a complete success. Now Peter is in college and even in the 99th percentile in math on the SAT and ACT, he can't remember basic elementary math facts. But that's true of most everyone and that's why people buy calculators.

When Peter got to 6th grade I bought a math curriculum. That was his first experience with formalized math. From that point on, I tried to require daily math in a workbook or computer program. When he went to the private school in 9th grade he had a wonderful teacher and a class of only three kids, so it was basically a tutoring situation. It was perfect for him. Looking back, I think I should have been more of a dictator in this subject. Find tutors, computer programs, workbooks, videos or Internet resources to keep moving forward in math. It's just too hard to cram all of elementary and high school math for college entrance exams. 

Writing/spelling/grammar is much, much easier. Have them read examples of good writing (books) and give them a journal to express themselves anyway they want. When their imagination creates wonderful worlds, have them write it down for "posterity," not as an assignment. The computer program will alert them to spelling and grammar problems that they will naturally want to fix. Then a couple months before the ACT/SAT, teach them about the five paragraph essay and have them practice writing a few. Probably before they graduate high school, teach them how to write a research paper. But even this is not necessary. Colleges expect to teach freshmen how to write the way that institution wants them to. Besides reading good books, focus on helping them develop organized thinking. Discuss, question, debate--these will all contribute to your child's writing ability. Even blogging, MySpace, IM, and email are all are great ways to practice communicating. My kids are constantly asking me to check their spelling and grammar when they do those things--they don't want to look stupid.

The key to teaching writing? Imagination, logic, and conventions. They can learn conventions by being exposed to them in print (by reading) and through games and workbooks (sparingly). My favorite, very fun book on writing conventions is Woe is I.  Imagination is best developed with freedom to be themselves, and logical thinking comes from talking to others about their ideas. 

4) Have you ever had to defend homeschooling to school officials, relatives, or schooled friends? If so, how did you handle it?

Yes, but not to school officials. Since I have a teaching degree, my parents thought it was fine. They did worry about socialization, but they didn't hassle me. And over time, they saw what great kids they turned out to be and now are very glad I kept them out of school. I find it best not to argue my point but let my life and my results speak for themselves. If someone really wants to argue, I just drop it, smile and thank them for their concern. Often giving them my philosophy--maintain the joy of childhood and the joy of learning--was enough to get them to agree with me! And as far as socialization goes, I'd just mention all the lessons and activities they were in. If your kids are nearby, have them talk to this person and they'll see that home schooled kids are often better socialized than public school kids because they aren't afraid to talk to adults in an intelligent way.

5) We have found home schooling works well for our whole family, in terms of fulfillment of the spirit (spending time out in our community, reading and learning, socializing...), taking care of our home, getting ready for winter (we're semi-locavores), and the day-to-day cooking, cleaning, and nuts-and-bolts parts of our lives. Have you found the same to be true?

Absolutely. Life and learning involves all us together. That's the fun of homeschooling and why I think I'm missing Peter so much, this his first semester away at college.

6) Is there anything you'd like to share that I haven't asked about, regarding homeschooling, parenting, or life in general?

Unschooling works best when you communicate a respect and trust of your child's innate abilities to learn and succeed. This is crucial. Listen to your child and take her seriously. See the unique contribution she has to make in the world. If her conclusions and life-direction don't match up with your ideal, that's ok. That's great, as a matter of fact! Your children need the freedom to be who they are and to discover the joy of life.

If they can get through high school with their love of learning intact, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Someone who loves learning is unstoppable. When they face an obstacle, they will know how to tackle it, be that getting into college, preparing for a job, or starting a business. In fact, I recently wrote a post about this, relating to Peter's experience in his Calculus class. There is a world of facts out there, but what use are facts if you're sick of them or don't know how to find and apply them? A child raised to develop his or her passions will continue to pursue passions forever and be a happy, successful adult.

Jena began homeschooling in 1994. Her three children are now teenagers; one is graduated and attends  the University of Chicago on a full ride scholarship, the next one is 16 and pursues life without school in the arts, and the youngest is a freshman, trying out public school for the first time. In 2005 they bought a 7000 square foot church building and converted it into their home. You can read more about their adventures on her blog, yarns of the heart.

Jena began homeschooling in 1994. Her three children are now teenagers; one is graduated and attends  the University of Chicago on a full ride scholarship, the next one is 16 and pursues life without school in the arts, and the youngest is a freshman, trying out public school for the first time. In 2005 they bought a 7000 square foot church building and converted it into their home. You can read more about their adventures on her blog, yarns of the heart.

Should I Homeschool My 16 Year Old?

Q: Hi, I have a 16 year old daughter who has struggled with school from basicly day one.She is in the 9th grade, I recently withdrew her from school looking for different alternative schools for her to attend, even thought about sending her away to job core. She is a very intelligent for her age and has always made good grades on her end of grade tests.She would fail all year and score high at the end of year.She doesn't like the classroom environment at all.She has been diagnosed with adhd around age 7 and we have tried medication several times but she is old enough now and refuses to take it. I am looking into homeschooling her in order for her to get her diploma.I have come across alot of websites that says that a ged or diploma is not required to get a great job but i have learned from experience that not having one makes it almost impossible to get a high paying job. I am 34 and dropped out at 15. My question is how to go about starting,and is there a certain amount of time it takes to homeschool her in order for her to receive a diploma? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

(Note: This question came from our "Ask Us" page.)

A: Hi Angel,

You've asked a lot of questions here, but it basically boils down to this one question: How do I help my daughter succeed?

There are several issues that you need to consider before you can find the answers to your concerns. The answers will most likely come from within you, and from your daughter's heart. The information you get here or anywhere is simply a way for you to find the answer you already have.

That said, your daughter, first and foremost, is smart, capable, and has everything she needs to succeed. Your job is to help her find that, not to tell her how to live or who to be. It's not a matter of grades, or ADHD, or whether you got a GED. Success is a matter of self-worth and self-appreciation. That comes from an attitude towards life and experience, not a piece of paper.

The main thing you want is your daughter to have experiences that reinforce the truth that she is capable and successful. In order to find those kinds of experiences, you need to listen. What excites her? What are her dreams? What does she like to spend her time doing? What makes her feel good? What kinds of successes does she seek out?

Then, do research into your resources - what's available in your area? Is college really the only thing she has available? What about a trade school? Volunteering? A job? A mentor? A work/study program? Starting her own business? Online courses? Self-study? Tutors? Study groups? The list goes on and on. Depending on what she wants to do, and what kind of learner she is, some of these options will be better suited than others. You won't know until you try.

Another important thing to remember is that failure is not failing. When we fail is the only real time that we have a chance to learn. Instead of looking at all of her "problems" as problems, see them as challenges, and opportunities. Because of what she's been through, you know what doesn't work. You know her better, and she knows herself better. You know to avoid those kinds of learning situations. Rather than look back at things that didn't work as a failure, look at them as opportunities to grow and move forward. And when the next roadblock comes along, look forward to it...it's part of the process. If we go through life only expecting success, we will always be unhappy and unsuccessful.

You said that you dropped out of school at 15. Did you get your GED? Did you get your diploma or go to community college? If not, I'm wondering if your transferring your disappointment of yourself onto your daughter. If so, be aware of this. It's really not that complicated to get a GED. It's also not difficult to get into community college. Your daughter is 16. She has plenty of time to get her GED or take a high school equivalency test (depending on your state). She can also start taking classes now at the community college, and online.

We are lucky to be living in the United States. In our country, there is no excuse for not being educated. Any age, any ability, and any interest, education is freely available. If you want your daughter to succeed, the best thing you can do is to adopt that kind of attitude yourself. You need to change your view on education, and on success, and find how your own life is full of wonderful opportunities to grow and learn. If you didn't get your GED, now is the time. Do it with your daughter. If you did get your GED, to back to school, or do a self-taught course. Be a role model, and make it clear to your daughter that no matter what, no matter how much we fail or stumble or waste time, we can ALWAYS set ourselves straight and learn more.

I promise, that although it might take time, it will be your attitude, and your attitude alone, that will be the biggest contributor to the whether or not your daughter's next two years of learning will be a success or failure. You are her mom, and her guide. If you get your educational act and attitude in a positive place, she'll see what it really takes to do that, and learn. If you spend all of your time telling her what she's supposed to do, and lecturing, but not living the example, she won't have any reason to believe you.

Don't be a model of what not to do. Be a model of what TO do. It's easier on both of you, and in the end, you'll both be happier.

Now, that didn't answer your question on whether to homeschool your daughter. In my opinion, it doesn't matter. If you have an attitude that life is full of wondrous learning opportunity, no matter where you go or what you do, you'll be successful.

If you do decide to homeschool her, I highly recommend joining a homeschool group in your state, and joining a Yahoo group for your state so that you can fully understand the legalities and responsibilities of a homeschool parent. If you are unwilling to do that on your own, I'd say stick with school.

Good luck to you! Happy learning, no matter which direction you choose to travel.

Tammy Takahashi lives and learns with her three children (10, 7 and 5) and supportive husband in California. She is the author of Deschooling Gently: A Step by Step Guide to Fearless Homeschooling. She also serves as the editor of the California HomeSchooler magazine, a bi-monthly publication for the Homeschool Association of California. You can read more from her about education and homeschooling on her website. And you can email her at tammy.takahashi @ gmail(dot)com.

Homeschooling with Little Ones in Tow

We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves. ~Francis J. Braceland, O Magazine, April 2003

An Ask Us Question has inspired a post and this page.

Ayesha Asked:

I have 3 young learners and a 4 month baby. I have developed a learning program for my older girls 7 and 5 1/2, yet my 4 year old always seems to be left out. How can I incorporate her into the program so that she benefits from the day and feels apart of the family?

We are families! We homeschool or have homeschooled older children with little ones in tow.  Thus, many of us have experienced this situation. Our solutions might be strikingly similar or different based on how we choose to homeschool and/or the personalities and needs of our children.

Thus, we appealed to our homeschooling peers for answers to the question: What to do with the littles?

These stories, commentary & vignettes offer a view into how and why we live life without school.

Vignettes

I have 8 yo twins and a 3 yr old. Whatever topic I am working on with the older girls, I make sure to have some sort of coloring sheet or age appropriate worksheet for the younger one. As an example, if we are learning about ocean animals, my 3 yo will have a choice of coloring sheets of sharks, dolphins, and starfish, or a worksheet where she can match pictures or complete patterns with the images of ocean and/or seashore animals. She also has her own notebook when we are writing in our journals, so that she can "write" too. When we are playing bingo with some of my homemade bingo games, her cards will have pictures rather than words. I am working on a set of math bingo cards and will use colored dots or other figures rather than numbers on her cards. She also likes to take a turn playing in our geography games where I ask questions and each child has to find a state that answers the question. The 3 yo will get things like, "What state do we live in?" The older girls will have to find: a state that shares a border with an ocean and another country, or a state that has four right angles, or 3 states that start with "w".  And, of course, everyone loves storytime, whether it is mom reading or one of the bigger girls. My 3 yo will occasionally turn the tables and "read" her favorite books to us. I never tell her that she can't write or can't read. I accept her assertion that she can, until she asks for help. Generally she is willing to "hang," as long as she has her "schoolwork" to do too.

~Kriste

I teach three grades and have a 2yr old in tow.

Using a set of plastic storage drawers, each child has their own drawer for supplies and storage. I gave one to the 2yr old, with a small variety of things he can 'do'. It has watercolors, a couple of crayons, paper, etc.
When the 'big kids' call "time to do school", they get out the drawer for my 2yo, so that he feels like it's school time for him, too. When we're finished with a lesson, or when 2yo gets bored, we put the drawer away 'for next time'. By not leaving that drawer out all the time, it became a special drawer.

I also have rotating bins with books, toys, lap-size dry erase & marker, etc. I rotate them, so they seem new and fresh when they see it again. Since there's so much 'school' talk, we call them school bins. All the contents must go back into the bin, and by calling them 'school' my 2yo feels like he does school too.

This all has helped to show my 2yo that 'school' means at home for us. Even though neighbors may 'go to school', our school is right here.

~Jill (WA)

I started homeschooling with a 5th grader, a 2nd grader and a toddler.  My 5th grader struggled, my 2nd grader was gifted and my toddler was . . . . (To put it nicely) ACTIVE!  I could pretty much present learning projects at the same level for my older two, and I’d come up with something for my toddler . . . .if my older boys were coloring, say, in their USA map coloring book, I had one for my toddler.  He sat up in his high chair next to the table where they worked, and he had his chubby crayons and so what if all he did was scribble?  He felt included and part of the fun.    If we were playing the history game (a board game with dice and cards) he had a marker, his own set of dice and we read his cards to him and helped him move his marker.  If he got bored and wandered away, I had a playpen (large) with puzzles and blocks and other toys that he could play with.  If we were singing songs he sang, too.  Too bad he couldn’t read the words but he did learn them eventually, along with the tunes.  When I read aloud to my boys, our toddler had another set of toys I got down just for those occasions.  He would play in the center of the living room while we cuddled on the couch.  When he got sleepy (I usually did this after lunch) he would crawl up and cuddle, too, and eventually fall asleep.  Your 4 year old should be able to be included very simply by adapting whatever you are doing with your 5 ½ year old.  I know that my toddler wanted his own workbook (an old already used math workbook was fine) and whatever his older brothers had, he wanted one, too.  Make up her own little projects for her to work in, that “matches” or “goes along” with what the older kids are doing.  You will be amazed at what she will pick up along the way.  But please, don’t really worry about “teaching” her; 4 year olds are sponges and she’ll learn plenty just by listening and participating.  Enjoy! 

~ Marsha

When I took my son out of school in 5th grade, we had a 3 week old baby in the house. She is a very low-key kid and easy to entertain but here are some of my solutions:

Spend 15-30 minutes with the little one before you need time with the older kids. Read, do a craft, have tickle-time and then set the wee one up with some blocks or some sort of 'station' activity that is reserved for School Time.

Rotate your wee one's toys so that there is something new each week to pull out for when you need some time with your older kids.Give your toddler a drawing pad and crayons and let her color.For those who are pro-media, turning on a Leap video like The Letter Factory or Sesame Street is a good way to get 30 minutes to yourself.

Be reasonable about how much time you need to spend 'teaching' and your toddler should be able to self-entertain.

~Tina

Stories and Commentary

So What About the Littles?, by Cindy

Contribute

Help make this page. See What to do with the Littles.

Links

What to do with the Littles?

Help create our page called Homeschooling with Little Ones in Tow.

An Ask Us Question has inspired a post and this page.

Ayesha Asked:

I have 3 young learners and a 4 month baby. I have developed a learning program for my older girls 7 and 5 1/2, yet my 4 year old always seems to be left out. How can I incorporate her into the program so that she benefits from the day and feels apart of the family?

We are families! We homeschool or have homeschooled older children with little ones in tow.  Thus, many of us have experienced this situation. Our solutions might be strikingly similar or different based on how we choose to homeschool and/or the personalities and needs of our children.

Thus, we appeal to our homeschooling peers for answers to the question:

What to do with the littles?

Share your stories and ideas with us!

We are interested in stories that celebrate finding your own way with your family and your child that are personally real and non-judgemental. Thoughtful, respectful personal commentary is also welcomed.

Vignettes are also welcomed and do not need to be of length; in fact, a paragraph will work best.

A vignette is an answer to a question or questions, or a snapshot of your life experience and is less than 500 words.

A story is a biography or story of your life experience. A commentary discusses your thoughts and feelings on a topic.

A collection of personal stories, commentary and vignettes will be used to create this page called Homeschooling with Little Ones in Tow.

You can submit your writing (story, personal commentary, vignette) to the editor at editor-lwos@comcast.net

When addressing the editor, specify "What to do with the Littles" and give your name as you would like it published.

If you find that you have a story of length to share, follow the instructions for Guest Author in the Writer Guidelines.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Back to REAL STORIES: REAL LIVES

Help create our page called Homeschooling with Little Ones in Tow.

An Ask Us Question has inspired a post and this page.

Ayesha Asked:

I have 3 young learners and a 4 month baby. I have developed a learning program for my older girls 7 and 5 1/2, yet my 4 year old always seems to be left out. How can I incorporate her into the program so that she benefits from the day and feels apart of the family?

We are families! We homeschool or have homeschooled older children with little ones in tow.  Thus, many of us have experienced this situation. Our solutions might be strikingly similar or different based on how we choose to homeschool and/or the personalities and needs of our children.

Thus, we appeal to our homeschooling peers for answers to the question:

What to do with the littles?

Share your stories and ideas with us!

We are interested in stories that celebrate finding your own way with your family and your child that are personally real and non-judgemental. Thoughtful, respectful personal commentary is also welcomed.

Vignettes are also welcomed and do not need to be of length; in fact, a paragraph will work best.

A vignette is an answer to a question or questions, or a snapshot of your life experience and is less than 500 words.

A story is a biography or story of your life experience. A commentary discusses your thoughts and feelings on a topic.

A collection of personal stories, commentary and vignettes will be used to create this page called Homeschooling with Little Ones in Tow.

You can submit your writing (story, personal commentary, vignette) to the editor at editor-lwos@comcast.net

When addressing the editor, specify "What to do with the Littles" and give your name as you would like it published.

If you find that you have a story of length to share, follow the instructions for Guest Author in the Writer Guidelines.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Back to REAL STORIES: REAL LIVES

Checklist for the New Unschooler

by  Becky

Fall is in full swing around here and it's hard not to notice the changes.  Friends and neighbors that we played with all summer have long disappeared back into school rooms.  Well meaning adults in the community are constantly asking my kids why they're not in school.  Even though we live in a place where homeschooling is not necessarily an unusual choice, we are reminded daily of our unique choice to live life without school. 

Fall doesn't mean back to school or back to homeschool classes for us.  As unschoolers, we make choices based on what suits our family's interests, Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.  But I do find at this time of year, that it is comforting to remind myself of why we do what we do.  Explaining this to the clerk at the grocery store or the volunteer at the library refreshes my memory and helps me to stay clear as I navigate this unschooling life with my children.

All of this reflecting and pondering made me think about what it was like to be a new unschooler.  One thing I wish I had been given was a checklist.  Something to hang onto and refer to when fear and self-doubt were looming large.  The outside world and mainstream culture don't usually offer much comfort.  It's helpful to have some back up when you really need it.  So, here goes: 

My Checklist for the New Unschooler

1. Remove the word "educational" from your vocabulary.  Resist the urge to ask yourself whether or not the games, videos, comic books or activities your children choose are worthwhile.  It's all worthwhile in the grand scheme of things.  If you just can't let go of the need to have a hand in what they choose, simply leave interesting things "laying around" the house (with no expectations, of course): a new library book or a deck of cards on the coffee table, a roll of stamps and some stationery on the kitchen table, you get the idea.

2.  Slow down and relax.  Don't feel the need to fill up your days with loads of activity.  Leave room for spontaneity and just hanging out, with no agenda.  Don't over schedule.  The beauty of an unschooling life is that there are no musts.  If life gets busy and overwhelming, stop.  Breathe.  Take a moment to decide how to proceed in a way that will align with your values.  Try to ignore the belief that more is better.  Take advantage of the time you have just being together as a family and see what happens.  Creativity and wonder creep in easily when you're not racing around and busy all the time.

3.  Make sure that cool stuff is within reach.  This means games, puzzles, art supplies, kitchen staples, books, maps, notebooks, pens, staplers, duct tape, hole punches, envelopes, address books, dice, clay and anything else that your kids like to get their hands on.  Keeping items within reach makes it a whole lot easier for your kids to be independent and get creative on their own terms. 

4.  Make time for the things you enjoy.  If you love to garden, paint, swim, read, sing, cook, ride your bike, hike in the forest, browse book stores, or make jewelry, then be sure to do it!  Your children will notice that you do what you love, and they'll be freed up to do the same.  Passion and creativity are contagious.  They may even join you!

5.  Have fun.  It's what children do best, and with some luck, we adults can follow their lead.  If there's one thing our children have to teach us, it's how to stay fully in the moment.  Anything is more fun when you're focused and free of worry and fear.  The laundry and the dishes will still be there when you're through.  Go have some fun.

6.  Don't be afraid of being called a flake.  Unschoolers are notorious for dabbling, which to schoolish folks appears flaky.  Choose your activities carefully and don't be shy about speaking up when some thing's not a good fit.  The beauty of life without school is that there is no need for compulsory anything.....anything!  If you or your child can't remember why you've decided to do something and the joy is gone (or never existed in the first place) it's time to reevaluate.  Your sanity and quality of life are more important than someone else's idea of following through.

7.  Allow yourself to be imperfect.  We're all human.  We all screw up and snap at our kids or say the wrong thing.  Spending more time with your kids means a higher likelihood of losing your cool.  Don't sweat it.  Learn to say you're sorry and move on.  It'll be okay.  If nothing else, you'll be giving your children permission to do the same.  Children (and adults) who are allowed to feel their feelings (all of them) and take responsibility for them, end up being emotionally healthy people.

8.  Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business.  Chances are, if you're chosen unschooling, you stand out a bit in the crowd.  Not everyone understands why we do what we do, and that's a good sign.  It means you're challenging mainstream beliefs about kids and adults and families.  You know what works for you, and that's all that matters.  Spend time with parents who interact with their kids the way you do (or the way you'd like to).  Limit your time with people who challenge your self esteem, especially in the beginning.  Surround yourself with allies in person and otherwise, if necessary (read unschooling blogs, books, e lists, and magazines), to counteract that little voice questioning your every move.

9.  Chose the relationship over your need to be right.  Preserving your relationship with your child will prove to be the high road when it comes to petty arguments and power struggles.  Try, "I'm sorry." , or "You might be right."  instead.  Unschooling as a parenting style means choosing to spend more time with your child than the average parent.  Use that extra time to strengthen your relationship rather than break it down.

10.  Trust your children.  Completely.  Wholly.  Unconditionally.  It will be scary.  You will wonder, at times, if you've gone completely bonkers.  You won't, however, be sorry.  Before questioning or second guessing your child's intuition, ask yourself if you would respond in the same way to an adult.  If not, think twice before speaking up.  Children treated with respect and trust are more equipped to reflect that back to the world around them.

Well, there you have it.  Just ten steps.  Good luck.

Becky is the unschooling mother of three (Janey, 12, Macy, 10 and Charley, 7) attempting to raise her children with compassion and respect.  She taught elementary school for 9 years before discovering unschooling when it was time for her oldest to go to Kindergarten.  She credits Sandra Dodd, Mary Griffith, Jan Hunt, and just about every other person she interacted with at her first HSC Home=Education conference 6 years ago, as her inspiration to find a more natural way of living and learning with children.  She is a passionate and radical transportation activist and is starting a non-profit carsharing organization in her town.  You can read more of what Becky has to say at http://lifewithoutschool.blogspot.com   She can be reached at ashlandcarshare@gmailcom.

Homeschooling Advocacy and the Secular Community

by Tammy

You've probably heard about the California court ruling from February that homeschooling without a credential was not a "constitutional right." You may or may not have heard about the court ruling being vacated, and a new ruling was handed down in August stating that everything is the same as it was before all the hubbub.

There was a lot of controversy about this issue, all over the country. Some love was sent to California during this time, some finger wagging and warnings, and some downright anger that we would screw everything up for the rest of the states. Even now, there is some debate about the long-term effect of the recent ruling.

In the midst of it all, there was a core group of people here in the trenches here in California. I was lucky to have been privy to many of the discussions and decision-making processes during that time. While at the same time, I was not directly involved, so I had no influence or direct effect on the actions of the various groups. I was a fly on many walls, and this is what I saw, read and heard.

In California, there are three large state-wide homeschooling support groups: HomeSchool Association of California (HSC), the California Homeschool Network (CHN) and the Christian Home Educators Association of California (CHEA). HSC and CHN are both inclusive. I am the editor of HSC's magazine, the California HomeSchooler. And I am also a volunteer for CHN, mostly doing outreach. I speak at both of their conferences. I am not a member of CHEA.

Before the surprise ruling, these three groups pretty much worked independently. There were even some negative feelings between some of the long-time members of the groups. The groups weren't competitive, but they didn't communicate with each other much, or help each other out. This arrangement worked out fine because it had been such a long time since anything truly threatening had happened in California.

Then, that all changed practically overnight when World Net Daily published an article about a recent California appellate court ruling that effected homeschoolers.

CHN and HSC did not respond immediately. The wording in the ruling was ambiguous and didn't change the law. The e-lists were buzzing with talk, and nobody from the CHN or HSC board or legal team would tell us what was going on. Now, I know all of the people who run HSC and CHN, so I knew immediately why they weren't saying anything - they wanted to make damn sure that they understood what was really going on before making decisions.

What I didn't know, at the time, was that HSC, CHN and CHEA representatives were busy phoning each other and asking, "What's really going on here?" This case had come out of nowhere. The family involved had not contacted any homeschooling groups other than the school they attended. Nobody knew what was going on. The legal papers were long and detailed. There was a lot of information to digest in a short period of time. California homeschoolers were suddenly dragged into a court battle that had nothing to do with us. But we had to do something, because the media was closing in, and the phones were ringing off the hook.

Finally, CHN, HSC and CHEA came to a decision and made a joint statement. They reassured us that nothing in the law had changed, and that the ruling did not affect us. Not everyone was convinced. Even after the Governor of California, Arnold Swarzenegger, and the Superintendent of Public Instruction, Jack O'Connell, chimed in with political support, many Californians, and many people across the country, were convinced that it was now illegal to homeschool in California.

The pressure was on. CHN, HSC and CHEA did not ask to be involved in this court case, but it became apparent that they all had to. Partly, we needed to manage information and the media. And partly, we had to put pressure on the courts to get us out of the case, and strike the homeschooling aspect of the ruling out of the opinion.

Members of the CHN, HSC and CHEA legal teams, and the presidents of these organizations were overwhelmed with requests for interviews from newspapers, radio and TV. They did an amazing job standing tall under the relentless questioning, all while working hard to find legal representation, coming up with a solid plan, and keeping the current California homeschoolers from panicking.

That's where I was asked to help, and I did my best to keep the information flowing on my blog. I hope I helped at least a little to keep us focussed and to reduce hysteria. I wasn't the only one. There were several people on the e-lists and on blogs who did their part to make sure that information was getting out.

Nonetheless, the media thrives on catastrophe. And we could not control the onslaught of stories about how homeschoolers in California were "panicked". I did one interview where the "expert" opposite me assured us that this ruling was "The 9/11 of homeschooling." The media loved this, and fed like sharks on it.

But, in some ways, this worked to our advantage. There was such a high demand for articles about this case, that after a while, interviewing the "experts" was getting somewhat dull. They needed "real people" to tell their stories--and a lot of them. Secular families, like mine, who generally stayed out of the whole hubbub of media, were asked to step up and say "hi" to the world. "We're here." We were scared. We had no bone to pick. We simply wanted to do what we could to help fix this "problem" that was thrust upon us.

In some regards, the reporters were probably frustrated with us. I know they were a bit frustrated with me. We weren't hysterical enough. Family after family was interviewed and quoted to say, "This isn't really that big of a deal. It doesn't effect us much." Also, more and more families who homeschooled for reasons other than religion were getting on TV, radio and in newspapers. It started to become clear that in California, homeschoolers are a diverse bunch.

Of course, not everyone got the message, but the courts certainly did. And so did our legislators. One of the quiet efforts that was never written about in any publication, or talked about publicly on the forums, was an effort to make contact with our Democratic representatives. And those of us who are registered Democrats were asked specifically to call our legislators and let them know our position on this.

The main purpose of this effort was to use the momentum we had to strengthen our relationships with our senator and representatives. We wanted them to meet us, get to know us, and pay attention. At one point, several of the leaders of CHN and HSC drove around for a weekend having in-person meetings with Democratic legislators. They asked what the legislators' concerns were, they gave them literature, and brought the topic up to the surface.

Some meetings did not go as well as others, but overall, the effort was a great success. We now have a pretty solid relationship with a number of democratic legislators.

Even now, after the second ruling was handed down, we are still pursuing this effort. It was so successful, that we realized how important this is to do on a continuous basis.

All of this was preventative. The real work with the court case itself happened between the lawyers and legal representatives of the CHN, HSC and CHEA. The groups worked together, deciding who was going to say what, and which points were absolutely necessary to bring up during the retrial. This is a critical point to understand - the secular and the Christian groups worked tightly together on this. They were calling each other daily, having meetings and redrafting their arguments, all together. This is unprecedented in California. Perhaps, also in the rest of the states. Have there been any other states that have come together - secular and religious - to fight for state-wide homeschooling rights?

For California, this was the hugest benefit of the entire ordeal. This coming together of all homeschooling groups is monumental. What a message we sent to those judges and to the legislators!

Of course, the news never mentioned any of this. Their main focus was on whether or not we're going to be wrangled up and arrested en masse. Once it was determined that there really was nothing to see here, the news lost interest. And what little we do see in the news tries its very best to keep up the drama, even when there isn't any.

Now, the drama is essentially over. There is still a threat that something else will happen. There always is. Even if the law was spotless, there will always be someone who is not happy, and always a chance that we'll be challenged.

After having gone through this year, and coming out unscathed, and in fact stronger than we were before it started, we're ready. We're ready together - secular and Christian homeschoolers and everyone else.

And what this proves to me, is that challenges to our right to homeschool is not necessarily a bad thing. If we really want to see a shift in how the world views homeschooling, and how our laws regulate us, we're going to have to get through these tough times. It's part of the evolutionary process. And there will be resistance and setbacks. We can't let that stop us.

The secular homeschooling community is an important part of our country's future. And so is the Christian homeschooling community. When we can work together, and show that our homeschooling rights run deeper than personal conviction, that they are about democracy, freedom, and independence, for everyone, then we will send a much stronger message than we ever could alone.

I'm confident it will happen someday. And if it doesn't happen, that won't stop me from trying.

Tammy Takahashi lives and learns with her three children (10, 7 and 4) and supportive husband in California. She is the author of Deschooling Gently: A Step by Step Guide to Fearless Homeschooling. She also serves as the editor of the California HomeSchooler magazine, a bi-monthly publication for the Homeschool Association of California. You can read more from her about education and homeschooling on her website. And you can email her at tammy.takahashi @ gmail(dot)com.

The Homeschool Grassroots Advocacy Guide

Empower Yourself!

Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning.

You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result.

~  Mahatma Gandhi

This page is about homeschool grassroots activism and self-empowerment. Rarely is a problem so big that we cannot solve it together. Please check the links section below for additional information and a listing of state organizations that provide state specific information and support.

Note: Nothing in this article is meant as legal advice. For legal matters, contact a competent attorney.

A few questions we hope to address:

• How do I organize a grassroots effort to protect my rights to homeschool?
• When and how is the best way to act?
• What does a productive letter to the Editor look like?
• How do I write my representatives and local officials?
• What is the best reaction to a local threat?

How? What? When? Why? Where?

Courtesy of The Organization of Virginia Homeschoolers & Celeste Land

(please bear in mind, that some information contained in the articles below is state specific)

Play an Active Role

Dark Side of Legislative Alerts

Homeschooling Advocacy: Step 1 - Know the Law

Homeschooling Advocacy: Step 2 - Know the Players

Homeschooling Advocacy: Step 3 - Know Your Local Policies

Homeschooling Advocacy: Step 4 - Know How to Write an Effective Letter or Email

Homeschooling Advocacy: Step 5 - Know How to Write Effective Talking Points

Experience, Examples, and Commentary

Handling it Ourselves, by Shay Seaborne

Links

A to Z Home's Cool State Homeschool Organization Listing

A listing of state organizations actively providing information and advocacy.

Contribute

Help make this page:

Grassroots Advocacy: How? What? When? Why? Where?

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