Our World

by Marjorie

I was on a playground the other day and heard one mom talking to another.  I heard her ask rhetorically "how do you prepare a kind and gentle soul for the harsh realities of the world?" I wasn't able to hear the specifics of the conversation, but I was left considering this important and oft-asked question.

My first instinct is to answer the question, "you don't prepare them, you protect them." I'm thinking of the young soul that doesn't need to be tested but needs to be nurtured. I honestly believe that a child brought up with love and respect and shielded from unnecessary pain and hurt will grow up into a strong, self-confident adult.  As an adult, they will be able to handle whatever harsh realities come their way, not because they have learned to live with abuse, but because they know how they deserve to be treated and they will know what options they have.  They will have the strength to endure and the strength to find any available alternatives.  They will not have a defeatist attitude that some have as a result of being exposed to the harsh realities of life when they were young.

But maybe I'm wrong. Which leads me to my second response. At the risk of getting philosophical, when we consider the harsh realities of the world, I'm tempted to ask, whose "world"? To some degree, we all have control over the world we inhabit, the reality we choose to see. We make these choices all the time.  Did that person fail to say "hello" to me because she didn't see me or because she must not like me? Am I being treated rudely by that salesclerk because she thinks she's better than me or do I suspect she's having a bad day? Is my husband doing that on purpose to annoy me or is it really how he prefers to do whatever he is doing?

We all create worlds for ourselves. We define our realities, whether we do it knowingly or not. We often choose what we look at, what we hear, where we go, and how we spend our money. Do we seek  beauty in art museums? Do we enjoy the entertainment of watching a sports event? Do we go to the movies? What kind of movies do we enjoy? Do we like a quiet house or do we like to have music or the TV playing? We choose our environment or, at least, we shape it -- we are creating our world.

There are many factors beyond our control that create the world in which we live. One's job is a large part of their world. My father was relieved when I got a job working at a Federal agency even though what I really wanted to do was be a state criminal prosecutor. I don't think my father was worried that I could not handle the harsh realities of the world. He knew I could but he wondered why I would want to spend my time looking at such an ugly part of the world by prosecuting rapists and wife-beaters. I think he probably wished a kinder and gentler world for me where I would be practicing a different kind of law.

We homeschoolers know well that some people think we are sheltering our kids from "the real world." On the one hand, I say "you're right" and I feel that it's part of my job as a parent to do just that. On the other hand, I wonder which world is the real one.  Am I wrong to take my children to visit art museums and not on tours of juvenile detention centers? Are 12years of institutional school an adequate preparation for the real world? Which world - one where you're told what to do and what to think and how to spend your time? Sometimes I really wonder if part of what the schools are doing is turning out an excellent consumer base. If you believe that you need others to tell you what to learn, when to learn it, and how to learn it, are you not well-suited to swallow marketing messages about what you need, what you want, and where to buy it without question? Is there that much of a leap between needing an A for status and needing a Lexus? In whose world?

I don't know what world my children will inhabit. I don't know what their reality will be. But right now, I am trying to shape a beautiful world and show them a reality filled with caring people and worthwhile work -- it's my job and it will prepare them for theirs.

Marjorie has been homeschooling her two young daughters for a few years. Her family chose homeschooling for the freedom it afforded them -- freedom from the school schedule and calendar; freedom to follow her children's interests; freedom from labeling and categorizing her children; and freedom from testing and homework. She enjoys volunteering with her state's inclusive homeschool association and writing on her blog, unclimber.

Comments

[Robyn]

Hi,
I just started reading your posts, and we have 7 children. I have HSed from the beginning except #1 son, who was in PS 2 yrs. I feel the same way as you do, I want to protect my children as long as I can from the world. When you read the news and see what kids are enduring in school I want no part of it. Our kids have tender hearts , and more spiritual aware of what's going on around them and they are more compassionate and caring. SO I agree with you, and who cares what anyone else thinks, that is their opinion....

[Mimi]

I do not regret for one second that I have always kept my kids close to me. We have such a short time to spend together in the span of our lives. My teenagers have become very independent young adults either despite or perhaps *because* I didn't push them away before they were ready.

Mimi

[carabeth]

Wow. This is exactly what I've been trying to say for a long time, since I graduated from Waldorf, and people would try to tell me that now I was going to enter the "real world". I think the more people who inhabit a beautiful real world the better, maybe the ripples emanating out from them will impact the other real world...

[Marjorie]

Thanks so much for your comments -- you all sustain me. Carabeth's comment really resonates, I want to be create beautiful ripples.

[Marni]

I'm a new homeschooler of 5 kids (oldest 10, youngest 1). We are getting more structured, but especially for one child in particular I realized one day that he needed to learn things like kindness and respect more than he needed to learn math.

The biggest changes I've noticed in our 2 months are that they rely more on one another, they are kinder to one another, and they respect me more. As much as I worry I'm not teaching them enough, I am way happier they are learning those lessons!