The Life Without School Community Blog

Enjoying Your Teens

By Cyndie

I believe it is more than okay for you to enjoy being with your teen-aged children and for them to enjoy being with parents/family.

I believe it is more than okay for siblings to be best friends.

Often I feel these two thoughts are in direct opposition to the societal thoughts around me.  I recently told someone (30 something; married then without children) about my pending trip to Europe with my two daughters (19 years, 17 years).  We started talking about traveling and she asked me if I would ever consider letting my kids really travel.  I was puzzled by her comment because the conversation started with my saying the girls and I were heading to Europe together.  Well, there in lies the rub - it wasn't really traveling in her mind unless they go off on their own (or perhaps the two together) to "really travel".

We have homeschooled since Sarah was 8 going on 9, Jenn was 6 going on 7 and Josh was 2.  We have been at this now for 13 years though the girls are now continuing their education at institutions of higher learning.  I do believe that a huge reason we as a family can "dance" so well together is because we have spent so much time together.  Whether we are on a road trip or working out in the yard or side by side in the kitchen, we know how to work well together.  We anticipate the others' needs; we can read the others' moods and concerns; we just know how to navigate this thing called life together.

Often it seems that others are concerned that my children still enjoy being and doing with their parents/the family unit.  I firmly believe they will someday find their way on their own (and indeed the girls are both taking major steps in that direction) but I am also not concerned that they still want to be a part of the nest we have built over the years.  I firmly believe that they will someday find other kindred spirits and perhaps a life partner but I am also not concerned that they still call their siblings their best friends.  That seems such a difficult choice for this society to accept.

As an adult, I have friends who scan the globe - kindred spirits, some I have not even met except through internet connections, that sustain me through life's ups/downs.  But my best friend, my closest kindred spirit/soul sister is my blood sister who is 5 yrs younger than I am and who lives now about 350 miles away from me (till our recent move it was more like 1200 miles away from me).  She is the one person I know I could call on through thick/thin who would absolutely be there for me/mine if I would ever need that.  There are others I share deeply with but she it is who knows all my flaws and still loves me, knows many of my past secrets and still loves me, cares as deeply as I about our relationship to continue to work at it even though miles and sometimes philosophies separate us.  She it is who understands intimately what the loss of our parents meant even as we tried to reconcile some of our family of origin foibles.  She it is who knows how to challenge yet support me on the journey even when our paths have diverged on parenting issues, religious issues, politics.  Why wouldn't I hope for that same kind of relationship to blossom and bloom over the years of the lives of my children?

I think homeschooling allows you to really get to know your children and they in turn really get to know you.  I think it gives you time together to learn the dance so that you find yourselves enjoying each other's company.  I think it gives your children the opportunity to get to really know each other and work through differences because of the sheer volume of time they spend together.

My girls just finished their first year pursuing higher education outside the home.  One chose to attend a school in New York far from our MO home.  She did not attend many sleepovers as a young child and she still prefers to be close to home/family.  Though the transition to be far away from family was difficult she navigated it just fine getting herself a job, making her own food (the dorm on campus offers room but no board), dealing with her own finances as well as juggling a full load of classes. Though she doesn’t particularly like to fly, she got herself to/from the airport and flew by herself to get home for the various holidays.   Her sister chose to attend school closer to home but she still dived into college life becoming active in several student organizations so that as she goes into her sophomore year of college she is in leadership positions on campus.  Though she never liked to be far from home as a child, she went off to Costa Rica for a 3 week study abroad opportunity living with a host family and exploring a foreign country.  When school was done, the two of them spent several days in New York City together sans their parents/brother.   

So the answer to that woman’s question about if we would let them really travel is an unequivocal "yes".  Travel they did this past year and relished every minute of it while learning a great deal about themselves.  Yet, we are also thoroughly enjoying our summer with all five of us once again living, working and playing together.

Cyndie Kimball lives and learns with her busy 3 (21 yrs, 19 yrs, 14 yrs) in the heartland of MO. She is a budding fiber artist with more ideas in her head than ever come to fruition.

Spinning and Homeschooling

By Cyndie

Last summer, I took a fiber arts workshop that had me once again sitting in front of my spinning wheel.  My wheel has been a lovely piece of furniture for about 6 years now so it would be nice if I ever learned to actually use it!  I did finally get the hang of using my wheel at that workshop but only after we discovered that the drive band was slipping and needed to be changed from a slippery cord to a cotton thread which prevented the slipping. Such a simple solution so I could at least begin the process of learning to spin.  While I still have a long way to go before I master the fiber art of spinning, I am making yarn. It is still pretty lumpy, bumpy, and twisty but it is yarn nevertheless!

I think that is a metaphor for our homeschooling journey.  Just as my wheel wouldn't work because of the slippery cord used as the drive band, so, too, our homeschooling journey was one of fits and starts.  Some parts were relaxed, some parts sheer frustration; some parts magical, some parts merely slipping.  It took time to come to konw what was slipping and how to "fix" it.  And, it took some nitty-gritty perseverance and sheer willpower as well.

I know that when I first sat down at the wheel after I changed the drive band to the cotton thread, that I still felt clumsy and perhaps even "sure" that I still wasn't going to be able to actually spin.  I can even remember the moment I decided to plunge back in and go for it - to foce myself to "win" over this wheel.  It took a lot of concentration for me to spin when I first started; it took a lot of energy to stay with it.  The thing that kept me going were those few seconds at first, then gradually moments of ease and relaxation as even with my halting attempts I was accomplishing something.  There are still times when I must recenter at the wheel and remember to relax so that my yarn stays even.  I do believe the same thing happens with homeschooling. When I am at my most relaxed and centered, our days go well.  When I am at my most doubtful or harried, our days are difficult.   Laughing everyday together has been an essential piece of our homeschooling journey together.

When you start learning to spin with a spinning wheel you usually start with wool.  Wool is forgiving and pliable; it grips so it is easier for a new spinner to work with.  But even among wools, there are differences in the feel, the type of yarn it works best to spin.  When you decide to start spinning with silk or cotton or alpaca, you must learn a new way of handling the fiber as they all have their properties, their strengths and weaknesses.  There are numerous types of spinning wheels as well and it is helpful to have the right one for the job you want to accomplish.  So, too, were my children each unique individuals with their own personalities, their own ways of learning, there own interests and their own strengths and weaknesses and my interaction with them also added to the situation.  All three of my children has a unique learning style.  My oldest is a very auditory learner, intrapersonal learner.  She had to hear and she had to be with others to let things sink in.  She woke up late to reading (10 yrs old) but is an incredible memorizer to this day.  She learns best by being read aloud to and discussing/conversing and being in the middle of noise and people.  My middle is a very visual learner.  Even when we would read aloud, she would go off later and reread by herself.  She is also a very "loner learner" needing to process and study alone and in quiet.  My youngest is a very kinesthetic learner but also with some auditory ways of approaching something new.  Whereas his sister needs to hear, he needs to talk it through with others.  Coming to know how they each learned was a great help and guide in how we approached their education.  I had to strive always to meet each of them where they were no matter what I might have wanted them to accomplish that year or what their siblings were doing.  It is helpful when spinning to come to know your fiber.  It has been helpful then in homeschooling for me to see each of my children as the unique person they are becoming.

Just as one gets proficient at spinning a smooth yarn the urge to want to learn how to make designer yarns hits.  Designer yarns are typically full of the lumps and bumps you initially didn't want to have in your yarn. You have to go back and relearn how to do the lumps and bumps but with intent.  The one thing I know for certain about our homeschooling path has been that each year has been different from the last.  Just as I would get the hang of a rhythm to our days, one of the children would go through a major developmental growth spurt or some major life event would unfold and force us to regroup and find our way again.  As our children grew, their needs changed so the way we were called to homeschool needed to change.  This past year we saw a significant change in the nature of our life as one daughter went away to school and another daughter started full-time at the state university in town.  Only our son is left within the homeschooling circle.  We are learning again how to spin with each other; the rhythm of homeschooling one child while being there for our daughters as they step out into the world. 

Cyndie Kimball lives and learns with her busy 3 (21 yrs, 19 yrs, 14 yrs) in the heartland of MO. She is a budding fiber artist with more ideas in her head than ever come to fruition.

Cyndie Bio

By Cyndie

We started homeschooling in the summer of 1993 as my oldest was entering 3rd grade, our middle was entering 1st grade and our youngest was turning 2 yrs old.  Until that time, we had been heavily involved in the Waldorf school that my older two attended through 2nd and kindergarten, respectively.  At the start of our homeschooling journey, we were more structured trying to replicate Waldorf school at home.  But I quickly came to realize that our path was to become more eclectic and we gradually moved more and more towards Unschooling.  A combination of Waldorf and Unschooling principals have shaped our family life and our educational endeavors as we learned the dance of life together on our homeschooling journey.  Now my oldest is studying to become an eurythmist and my middle child is finishing out her freshman year at a state university while my youngest continues to be homeschooled into the high school years. 

For several years, I was part of the website work of Waldorf Resources and also have spent many hours writing for a Waldorf yahoo list as well as other Waldorf newsletters both on-line and hard copy.  I am an aspiring fiber artist with much to still learn though I have dabbled in spinning, Navajo weaving, felted tapestry work as well as knitting and sewing.  My oldest has always been interested in the performing arts and was heavily involved in the children's theater scene during her teen years.  I was pulled into that scene as a seamstress and found a love of costume design/work buried within me.  I dabble in storytelling and most recently started to collect the stories of my extended family. 

Even though we just transitioned to a new configuration of homeschooling with just one child home while the other two pursue full-time endeavors outside the home, family continues to be my focus.  Over the years we have spent countless hours in conversation with our children, spent time sharing our interests with them and eagering sharing their interests as well.  My girls both love to travel and go to the theater especially musicals.  We travel as often as we can to places far and near where we find ourselves. When we lived in Phoenix we explored the great southwest to come to understand its hidden treasures and beauty.  My middle daughter loves math and gave herself quite an amazing education in higher level math during high school. My son is slowly but patiently teaching me the ways of the wonderful world of webcomics.  We enjoy music making and dancing and singing together.

I have to admit that when we first started homeschooling, I didn't want to be doing it.  I wanted to continue being an involved parent at the Waldorf school.  But over the years, the gifts that I have received from my children during our homeschooling journey have been as essential to my growth as a person as I feel the gift we gave them of homeschooling was to their growth.  Even though one daughter is away at school and the other is a full-time student outside the home, the five of us continue to laugh, cry and learn with each other.  In future writings I will share our homeschooling journey with you as I draw on both our past and present experiences.

Cyndie Kimball lives and learns with her busy 3 (21 yrs, 19 yrs, 14 yrs) in the heartland of MO. She is a budding fiber artist with more ideas in her head than ever come to fruition.